Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in ecnaegnev's LiveJournal:

Friday, January 2nd, 2009
Friday 12:34am//09	i got high tonite. can't help it. whenever i get $ im gettin my pills. how sad :/ 3 weeks since ive heard his voice. im losing it. 2 depressed 4 this, really... i miss him so fucking much... :( Current Mood: i love him! James O'Donnell <3 Current Music: waynee
have seen anything beautiful?
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
Wednesday 4:11pm//08	long time it's been a long time. my life has changed a lot. im happy. well, not currently due to certain circumstances that i cant change, but deep down, im happy, and i do believe this is probably the first time i can honestly say that. so yes, im happy. all thanks to my fiance, James Brian O'Donnell. who i never would have met had i not known justin. so i really do believe that everything happens for a reason. i can sit down and write out a list of bad things, that always eventually lead to good things. like the day my Jimmy walked into the ale house to see me. my heart stopped when i met him, i still cant believe he was actually there to see ME! he is the most amazing beautiful sexy intelligent caring man i have EVER met. and hes all mine. this man is unconditionally in LOVE with me. he loves me. i see it in his eyes, i hear it in his voice, i feel it in his touch. that day after work i called him, and we met up and i followed him to his house. he was on house arrest so basically we just sat at his house and chilled everyday. that first night though, i put it on him pretty good, i definately got him beggin me for more. and i gave it to him. i've always fucked guys, but me and jimmy, we made love. all day every day. the passion is so strong. he loves me for me, i can be my stupid self around him & not worry what he thinks about me, cuz i know he loves me. & now hes in prison for VOP... he doesn't get released until summer 2010, but its okay. im okay. we're going to get married and were going to make it work. it has to cuz i dont want anything else. im okay with this, as long as were married and in love we'll be happy, and nothin can touch our love, were untouchable. so im just working. and talking to him. i couldnt ask for a better husband, im his queen and nothing will change that. life seems to always try & break me, but im stronger than ever, im unbreakable. so try me. as long as i got love, i got everything i need. <3, Mrs. Heather D. O'Donnell p.s. i really need 2 get off the opiates. thats the only thing i want to change in life. my addiction to those things!!
have seen anything beautiful?
Sunday, November 4th, 2007
Sunday 7:59pm//07	justin got arrested no bond set 3-5 year sentence ... what am i going to do? i need to cry.. :[ every1 thinks im fucking stupid for still feeling this way about him but u kno wut fuck it i cant fucking help it do u think i actually like sitting here crying over this stupid fuck? well no, i dont but u cant help who you love i cant help that hes my soulmate :/ when his address gets available im going to write him ill post the letter here too and i hope he writes back so i can go visit him..
have seen anything beautiful?
Monday, September 24th, 2007
Monday 9:04pm//07	i havent had sex in 3 months and what do i miss more than sex with the opposite sex? intelligent, gentle, care-free conversation with the opposite sex. i feel like everytime i talk to a guy now i have to put up my guard as if im walkin on broken glass. u kno what i mean? i dont feel comfortable guess its a good thing im moving in january to ft lauderdale... maybe ill find happiness and maybe ill find that i never needed to find happiness i just have to be happy? we'll see. ive been through this before, and theres always something life changing around that corner. where i am right now im walkin a narrow straight line, i need some twists and turns to find out who i am again cuz quite frankly, im stuck in a scary place i dont even recognize the girl in the mirror anymore... when smiling is a task ha
have seen anything beautiful?
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
Wednesday 8:39pm//07	its been months so long i actually even forgot i had this thing ill start using it more especially now that life is so bland and i have no one to talk to i really dont feel like catching up with this, and whats happened, so ill jus write what i feel ive changed a lot sometimes i dont even know who i am anymore i sit here, day after day waiting for justin to call hes not going to so why am i wasting my time because im not over him over it i dont think i can get over it how can u just let your soulmate walk out your life? i cant... i need to get some balls here i need to jus confront him an be honest with my feelings for once but things are diff now. hes so diff i dont know him anymore and i used to feel like i was the only one who ever even did know him.. im so confused. im sure u can tell i keep contradicting myself... ive just ... i dont really even care about life anymore after justin i got fucked over my another guy and i dont want to ever trust a guy again fuck them all, i cant keep gettin hurt.. cuz now i cant even move on im stuck in this fucking hole & i really jus dont want anything else to happen im so terrified of moving on maybe thats what it is maybe im afraid of actually letting go & realizing that he isnt my soulmate... i cant even think about it i cry myself to sleep every night i cant do this anymore i really need help i need someone to save me b4 the drugs kill me drugs are the only thing in my life that i depend on they make me forget, they make me feel better.. i smile, im happy, im free... but reality im jus fucking trapped. like weezy f babii says "im a prisoner locked up behind xanax bars" kind of like justin & his downfall.. :[ i cant do this anymore!! i mean, i would never kill myself.. but ill definately let the drugs kill me. i dont want to be here anymore honestly i sit there sometimes nd jus think... "how many more fuckin days to i have to live like this? why cant it all just end now.." i never thought that love would be my downfall, but i should have known, ive always had a weakness for boys.. justin phillip martel ... u & me will never fucking be together again... you're going to fucking prison 3-5 years & u kno what.. im the only bitch that would stick by ur side nd wait 4 u but ur 2 fuckin scared of the real thing i remember when u told me u were in love wit me but u cant be wit me cuz u aint ready 4 it all youre too young and u want to fuck lots of girls thats why ur wit staci, that dumb bitch, cuz she LETS u run round wit otha hoes.. nd ill never understand why u cant jus .. grow up? youre 20 now, arent you sick of being a kid? i know i am, and im not going to wait forever, but i will wait... i atleast want to see you one last time b4 you go.. last time we were together we werent under the best of circumstances... we were both too fucked up.. we got to speak our minds though and ill never forget the words that came out of your mouth. the last time we fucked, it was probably the most passionate sex ive ever had. & when i saw u in the hospital only a few hours later, u were ready to die... & i thank god that those doctors were able to save your life & make your heart beat again. i was the only one that was there who cared about you, i got up on that hospital bed with you laid my head on your chest, and cried... i thought i was going to lose you. but i didnt. & even if we never are together again, ill never forget that moment. i felt so close to you right then, like god meant something more for you. & i know he has good things for you. youre too smart to be fucking up like this, & one day, i know youll be happy... u just have to realize what u want in life. i love you. always & forever. ... so now that that was the most emotional thing ive done in a LONG time.. im ready to get high or drunk i just want to get faded
have seen anything beautiful?
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
Saturday 10:04pm//07	so basically, no more dilemna. no more justin. today he tried all of us, i wont even tell you the shit he said to me because it is the most disgusting spiteful shit ever. but i will tell u how i found out he n his girl were runnin their mouth about me, and i always was told i couldnt win a fight with that hoe, so she comes in to the house and i corner that bitch and im all 'i heard u were talking shit' and shes like 'well what was i saying?' and im like 'you kno damn fuckin well what u were saying.' and shes like 'what u gonna do about it?' so i shoved the bitch against the closet door and she charged at me, so i yanked that bitch by her hair and shoved her face against the wall and then we started fuckin straight brawling and i was gettin that bitch we had each other in some weird stances man, that bitch kept blockin her ugly face so i hit her in the side of her skull and kneed her in the back of the head and that was it. the bitch was screaming 'oh i give up i give up' hahahaha fade a bitch
have seen anything beautiful?
Friday, August 25th, 2006
Friday 1:23am//06	peace out none of you are friends with me anymore, therefore, i can't find the words to put into a paragraph describing my life to you. i don't know what you want to hear. and what i have to tell, i know you don't want to know. it's best this way though. you stick with your friends, i'll stick with mine, we're all happier that way. btw, this is not me being pissed or showing any emotion at all actually, it's just my way of ending my time in the land of livejournal that all of you are still so sucked up in. one love. Current Mood: high Current Music: mims- this is why im hot
[2] have seen anything beautiful?
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
Tuesday 11:48pm//06	Maybe we were meant to see what's right See how this ought to be Just a taste of life to see what's right You made sense out of me What a shame that we're slipping away now I'm going away now Off to see what's out there Cause you're all that's here for me friends only. comment and i might add you. Current Mood: creative Current Music: party monster
[18] have seen anything beautiful?